I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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