If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize