Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
