I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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