So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
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broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
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What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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