I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone shattered a urinal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
