I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize