Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize