Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
