I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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