My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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