my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
