listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
