Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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