That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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