Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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