i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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