Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
