Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
