It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
