I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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