oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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