We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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