just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
