Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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