Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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