Got a toothbrush?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
