i jhust puked up my retainher.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
