so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
