Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My liver just broke up with me...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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