I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
