He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ttyl tear gas
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
