i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
