just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
