Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Pooping to opera.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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