Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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