I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
