Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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