just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
