She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
