I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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