I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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