I wish my penis had an off switch
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
