I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
