Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
