Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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