She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
