wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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