Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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