From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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