Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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