The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
