i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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