I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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