oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
