i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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