shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
