Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
