You work out of a Hotel?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
