its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
