He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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