I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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