Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
We are all done wearing pants today
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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