I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I've blown a few things in my day
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
