I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
