There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
