Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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