You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
