What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
