I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize