i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
