Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
